HOW I KNOW THERE IS A HEAVEN

[morning dream in 9 parts]

the plane crash I was sitting somewhere with my dad and some other people, friends, my brother maybe, and all the sudden somebody pointed up at the night sky. Holy shit. There was a plane falling from the sky. We always see those little T shapes up there flying around. Every day we see them. But this little T of a plane was heading toward the ground very quickly and very close to use. There was fire all around it. It finally struck the ground, making a short earthquake. There was a huge explosion. We all looked around at each other with great concern. The fuselage of the craft was an inferno, barreling towards us. It began to rotate. It came right through the terrace of the outdoor restaurant spinning, but instead of killing us, it went right through us like we were watching it on a reality-sized television.

the time machine game then my friend Jim was driving an old station wagon, I was in the passenger seat, and there were a few people in the backseat. It was so clear that this was much more than a dream, so I asked him what in tarnation was going on. He said that it was the time machine game. He said, you know, how you told me that people are other people on other levels? I said, yeah, and he said to look in the back seat. He said, “that’s the actor that played an actor in that movie”. I looked, and sure enough, it was. ?. I remember Ellen was also in the back seat. There was a longer sequence to follow [that I don’t remember] with only Ellen and I walking down the exciting streets. It was understood that we were both not dreaming, but rather having an extremely involved shared spiritual experience.

the exacerbation of gravity then I was walking down a road having just past an intersection and all the sudden everything got very heavy. Gravity had gone amuck. Normal walking became like navigating molasses. Everybody around the small town that I could see was trying to walk this way. The people were moving but there was a strange quiet like there is when the power goes out- when all the appliance hum you never thought you could hear goes off and there is a supernatural silence about it. A truck engine at the intersection went dead. The driver was trying to turn it over, but all there was was the futile rusty string of hiccups. Then nothing. The driver tried again; but still nothing. It was happening, thought everybody. It was finally happening.

slipping in and out of dream then Ellen and I were making love. then I woke up and was in my bed again and we were actually making love just like in the dream. I tried not to concentrate so that I could slip back into the dream again. That’s how it is with dream. If I start to get too conscious, the dream disappears; so back and forth I went, afraid to wake up and ruin the dream. [as it turns out, all of this was dream.]

interchangeability in the light of the dream, Ellen looked like the darker skinned Emmanuel. I would squint. I was confused. I was glad that Ellen looked so much like Emmanuel.

paris and resilient rubber I stepped off an elevator, or something similar, and I was in Paris. The street was black top, but gave like rubber, and walking became a fun kind of puussssshhhhh down…. riiiiissseeee up affair. I started to jump harder and flew farther up into the sky. I would land harder and the street would stretch beneath my feet- down… doooowwwnnn… doowwwwwnnnnn, and then way back up into the sky again. I saw some policemen on the side of the street, and was almost sure I was going to be in trouble for this wild kind of ambulation I’d been enjoying. Instead, one cop motioned with his arms and upper body that I should twist around as well. He had an expression that said “you think the walking part is cool, try twisting!” So I did and it was exhilarating. A total blast. It started to dawn on me that I was in Paris and that Belle was probably there. I had to go to Montparnasse. She would be there. And then something else happened. I don’t remember… the next thing I remember was

the independence realizing that the primary focus of life is my center… my own health, my own happiness, my own independence. All else is secondary. All else is impossible without it. I kept walking down the road. Not bouncing anymore, just walking. Strong shouldered, scared but confident. I ambled off into the distance.

the brush and comb shop at the end of the long road… a pinkish sign with the message “Belle’s brush and comb shop” I started toward the door now in tears. Inside, Belle was there behind the small counter standing with a composure I’ve never seen on her before. Her shoulders were high. She was an adult now. Her sweater was simple, she had an inexpensive necklace with plastic charms on it but it was simple and beautiful. I started to cry. She motioned her young male employee that she would be right back. She touched my shoulder and we went outside to talk. Back out on the road we hugged. It was a long hug and I stroked her back with the force of relief/desperation. She looked at me and smiled with all-knowing eyes and said softly ‘you are on a journey, aren’t you.’

the radio contest I was on my way back to somewhere and my cell phone rang. It was my dad. He had somebody on the other line saying that I was entered into a contest. I had to copy down the letters and numbers this guy was saying, and then call him back in 5 minutes at a phone number he was trying to give me. The reception was bad, so I was maybe trying to have my dad copy the stuff down for me first. It was a radio contest and I was to win a million dollars. I got so frustrated at the bad reception- this whole idea of a radio contest- let alone a million dollars- had very little interest to me. I had much more important pursuits at the moment. I said “ya know- just forget it.” And hung up. I realized that they were just going to pay me money they had stolen from me in the first place anyway.

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