Another senseless act broke out earlier today in one of our nation’s high schools. An as-of-yet-unnamed 15 year-old boy ran down the halls of Amorette High School between second and thrid period on a love rampage. Sources say he allegedly gave ten girls a peck on the cheek; while twelve others remained frenched.
School administrators later found a worn copy of the Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana in his locker and there is now much debate about the source of the book, although one witness told reporters the boy originally found the ancient Indian text in his parents’ bedroom drawer.
Many questions still hang in the hot balmy spring air of Amorette. “I don’t understand. This stuff just doesn’t happen around here. This has really brought the town together,” a concerned parent said, while rubbing the back of a total stranger.
Experts in the media say the odds are virtually impossible that a child could lash out like this. “As far as we know, there are no life-like virtual-reality games that feature first-person-kissing, and there certainly aren’t any movies that sensationalize this kind of an open expression of love,” explained one.
After the rampage, which ended in good feelings for all, the boy reportedly fell to his knees and almost kissed himself. He looked up at his assistant principal and claimed “I’m so not scared.”