Sure it may have been the fuel for a fair number of journal entries and countless songs, but I’m afraid I have to pull the plug on my constant ‘crush of the day’ issue here. As cold as it may sound, I believe that I am at a point in my life where I have to accept that I am completely alone. These illusions I have about women who really don’t give me the time of day- especially women who don’t give me the time of day- are getting me nowhere. And on the weekends I go out, letting trendy cocktails suspend my disbelief long enough to think that I’m going to find a true counterpart somewhere in clubland. It’s a waste of time, money, and my sanity in general.
I’m not swearing off the possibility of a relationship by any means. It’s just that I’m no longer making the idea of ‘girl x’ the center of my life. I think I have to go through a period of self-development to prepare me to have a sound relationship when the universe decides the time is right, rather than cobbling together a union riddled with uncertainty and wrought with abandonment anxieties. I think the only way to this peace is letting go of desire altogether.
This is not to say that I do not believe in love, as love is one of the world’s most vital elements. But just like anything else natural, it can’t be forced. So to all of my eternal loves I say goodbye forever and exchange all the pedestals on which I placed you with firm knowing earth, in hopes that I can see you all for who you really are and appreciate those people instead.
And me? Well. I just hope I’m not throwing out the baby with the bathwater…